Sable Aradia, Priestess & Witch
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Sable Aradia
Sable Aradia
I'm a Pagan and speculative fiction author, a professional blogger, and a musician. I'm proudly Canadian and proudly LGBTQ. My politics are decidedly left and if you ask for my opinion, expect an honest answer. I am owned by a cat. I used to work part time at a bookstore and I love to read, especially about faith, philosophy, science, and sci-fi and fantasy.
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Sable Aradia, Priestess & Witch 
Brava! Hilariously, for someone as poly as I am, I am incredibly possessive and jealous by nature. But I’ve found there are two kinds of jealousy: the kind that stems from ‘something needs to be resolved here’ which if resolved is likely to evaporate, and the kind that is just jealousy for the sake of jealousy. An example of the former would be if my husband repeatedly made arrangements for dates with someone else on our scheduled date nights- what needs to happen is a conversation about him making time for me: either on our date nights, or moving our date nights. That jealousy will abate. There’s no failing here, no attempts at control, none of that. The other kind? Well, that’s where you have to know yourself (to spot it in the first place) and work out what you want to do about that. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve said to my partners: “I’m jealous, but I think it’s just possessive who-is-this-new-person-are-they-good-enough-for-my-beloved stuff. I’m okay with you proceeding with the relationship and we’ll see if it goes away when I get to know them. If it doesn’t, or if I figure out there is something actually wrong beyond this vague feeling, you will be the first to know.” I think it’s one of the most solid parts of our quad: the knowledge that even if any jealousy is irrational bullshit, the quad comes first- so if it won’t go away, we’d rather end outside relationships than continually hurt our life partners. As you say, devotion. The heart may be infinite in it’s capacity to love, but if I’m going to do justice to that love, to it’s delicious potential in the relationships I have, to truly explore the depths and the heights and all the myriad parts that make up my love for a person – to truly engage with that most sacred of experiences- then my calendar is not infinite. Not by a long shot. As a poly godspouse, this all applies to my Spooky Husbands, too. Sure, there are other relationships I could pursue (and do) but this is my foundation: these hearts, both mortal and divine, this home where they all meet.
*nods* I’ve had that kind of jealousy too. Ironically, the best way to combat that is to be patient with it; then over time I work through it.
“The heart may be infinite in it’s capacity to love, but if I’m going to do justice to that love, to it’s delicious potential in the relationships I have, to truly explore the depths and the heights and all the myriad parts that make up my love for a person – to truly engage with that most sacred of experiences- then my calendar is not infinite.” Love this! Yes, I guess that’s the heart of my message, only you are much more eloquent than I am. 🙂
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment!